I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
