Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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