Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
