i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
