Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
