Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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