Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
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