the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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