no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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