uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
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