They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
