My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
