Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
my shit smells like andre
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
