im about as happy as oj after his trial
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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