Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
