turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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