yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize