I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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