i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
