Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize