this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize