I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
