i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Sober January is a disaster.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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