you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
