Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Text me some of your sweat
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
