Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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