Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
