after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
