we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize