You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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