Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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