last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
How external is "for external use only"?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
