eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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