i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
