Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
