I cannot find my penis.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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