i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
