cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize