that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize