If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize