At least make sure they are 18
Why
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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