My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I think my moral compass just broke
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
