I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
