Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My penis needs a shock collar
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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