I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
And then he peed in my hair
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