i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
