defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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