i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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