Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
