I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
