We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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