matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
No subtext here. People are naked.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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