1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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