I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
