she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
