My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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