I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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