he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
