when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
