I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize