woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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