Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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