YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
