I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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