His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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