I showed him my bush... on skype.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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