I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
