I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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