we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
