I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
