So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
A+ Viking dick
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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