There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
