btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
