I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize