i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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