Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
