Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
