Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
