no, he came in my armpit
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
