I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
