You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
