just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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