1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
