??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
