I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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