You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
