I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
