Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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