he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
