no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
