dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
