i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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