PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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