So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
