So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm passing your future prison.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize