I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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