i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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