I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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