he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
