I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize