so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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