I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
