happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
