Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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