She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
